Blood on the page

Yeah, I came from a place where the screen door slammed like a warning
Where you learned how to smile with your teeth when your whole soul was mourning
Where Sunday got church and Monday got liquor
Where everybody talked tough but the truth hit quicker
I learned young that a closed mouth don't mean a peaceful mind
Sometimes "I'm good" really means "I'm dyin' inside"
Got a head full of memories I can't fucking delete
And a heart full of scars that still bleed through the beat

I done slept with regret like a bitch that won't leave
Woke up every damn morning with some shit up my sleeve
Had my back to the wall and my face to the fire
Lost pieces of myself just to feed my desire
I ain't proud of every road that my boots ever took
But I won't rewrite my story just to clean up the book
I was fucked up, strung out, pissed off, broke
Still laughed in somebody's face while my insides fucking broke

I learned pain don't knock, that motherfucker kicks doors
And pride'll have you bleeding on somebody else's floor
I've buried damn dreams that I swore would survive
Had to kill parts of me just to keep shit alive
Everybody loves the comeback, nobody loves the crawl
Nobody sees them nights when you're screaming at the wall
When you're begging God for strength with your fist in the air
Then wake up the next morning like nobody was there

So fuck your judgment, I already judged me
Been my own worst enemy and my own referee
I know every dark corner, every lie, every flaw
Every time I said "never" then went back for it all
I ain't looking for pity, I ain't begging for praise
I just learned how to walk through the fire I was raised
If the devil wants smoke, tell that bitch get in line
I done fought my own demons, now I'm fighting for mine

I got dirt underneath these nails and truth underneath these bars
Ain't no Hollywood pain in these busted-up scars
I don't rap what I heard, I rap what I survived
Every word got a pulse, every verse stayed alive
I've been broke, I've been lost, I've been pissed, I've been numb
I've been everything they said I'd never become
But I kept one thing when the rest disappeared
That stubborn-ass voice saying, "Bitch, you're still here"

And I know I ain't perfect, hell, that's putting it light
I've made some bad calls on some real fucked-up nights
I've loved people hard who could barely love back
I've carried dead weight till it damn near broke my back
I've apologized sober for the shit I did high
I've stared at my reflection and hated that guy
But that man ain't dead, he's just buried beneath
Every lesson that I learned when I was too blind to see

So here's the truth, no filter, no edit, no cap
I ain't asking for forgiveness for the shit in my past
I'm owning every piece, every bruise, every sin
Every time I got knocked down and got back up again
If you know what it feels like when the whole world goes cold
When you're twenty damn years old but you already feel old
When your family needs strength and you're barely holding on